Insomnia Cookies’ First Demerit!

I guess I spoke too soon when I gave Insomnia Cookies (the one on 8th street in Greenwich Village) a good review! Insomnia is officially on my shit list! If they don’t give me my 4 dollars back THEY’RE gonna have insomnia! Im not gonna let them rest until I get what I want!

I don’t have money to just throw away. I tried to give them the benefit of the doubt! Maybe they were having a bad night! All will be forgiven once they exchange those stale ass cookies they sold me for some fresh soft ones!

But noooo! My friend was right! They’re falling off! They sold her some hard rocks recently too! And another time I bought a hard cookie from them! It tasted like a brown frisbee!

I wish I had tasted the cookies before I had gone home. I guess before you leave the store you have to do a taste test to make sure they’re not selling you rocks! Now you know! DON’T LEAVE THERE UNTIL YOU TASTE A COOKIE FIRST!

I didn’t try to eat my cookies until I was all the way home! A 30-45 minute train ride away!

So today I go in there and politely explain to the woman that I had bought cookies from there and they were hard and I wanted to exchange them. And she’s all “well we don’t take cookies back”. Im like “I’ve exchanged a cookie before”. She’s like “well u should have come back yesterday”. So I said “I was all the way home in another borough by then! Im not gonna pay $2.25, commute all the way back to exchange cookies”..she goes “well you should have called so id be expecting you”. She wasn’t even THERE yesterday! So how the hell was I gonna call her dumb ass?
What kind of sense does that make! Stupid ass crackhead logic is what that is!

Wtf was she gonna do if I had called? Psychically connect to me and send me new cookies over the airwaves!? Technology is good these days but we haven’t evolved that far yet! So Im like “well what would calling have done!? Im here in person now!”…she goes “well im not sure what you want me to do!”

EXCHANGE MY COOKIES DUMBASS! Its not even like I was asking for my money back! All I wanted was an exchange! She acts like the 4 dollars was coming out of HER pocket! I’ve never even seen her before! She must be new! They haven’t heard the last of ME! I’ll wait until someone more important is there!

I buy cookies at Insomnia so much and bring them so much new business, that I’ve gotten free cookies just because the guy knows my face! Just because HER little silly ass is new and obviously doesn’t know customer service policies (“The customer is always right”)..She thinks she can just come in there and change the rules!? I THINK NOT!

Whatever bleach she uses in her hair must have penetrated her brain and faded her common sense!

I will be back! And I will get new cookies! I WON’T SLEEP UNTIL I GET JUSTICE!

I guess THAT’S why they call themselves “Insomnia”.